but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
