If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
