dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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