I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
