On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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