At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
