Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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