Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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