well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
