well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
