she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
