I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
