My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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