fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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