I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
