Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
