If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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