So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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