Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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