My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
