It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
