He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
where are my eyebrows?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
