i would punch a child for taco bell
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
