I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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