I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
