so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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