We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
