i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Farmville is her only friend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
