I will die if light touches me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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