You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
