none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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