Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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