...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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