she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
