Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
