i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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