Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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