I feel like I'm in dance class right now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
