All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
