im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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