i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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