I hate your face
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
