I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
