Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
