Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
