Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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