I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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