I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
