Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
