Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
