No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
