who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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