Christians are straight up FREAKS
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
