Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
