it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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