i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As shirtless as possible
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
