you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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