Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
