Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
