Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
