You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
