I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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