just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
