Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
soo... how was my night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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