I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
