i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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